"I've always wanted to be a pop star. But I thought you at least had to do three things: have a good body, dance, and be able to properly lip sync.
“But after last night, I realized that's not the case. I'm 300 pounds and I don't have a lick of talent, but now I honestly believe I can become the biggest pop star in the world."
And other single mothers were inspired by Britney's dedication and work ethic:
"I thought the pressure of raising my two kids alone and partying every night would keep me from following my dream of being a singer. But Britney is proof that you can half-ass raising your kids and still have time to half-ass your career."
But it wasn't just overweight rednecks who were moved by Britney's triumphant return. Several celebrities also were inspired.
Ashlee Simpson defended Britney's performance, "People are giving her crap for her lip-syncing and her dancing, but I thought it was amazing. She actually lip-synced to the right song and she didn't even have to resort to jigging. That's talent.
And even Britney's ex-husband Kevin Federline had to admit he was blown away: "Wow! She nailed it. That was off the heezy fo sheezy. Man, I'd give up my first three-born children to have the talent to do that!"
But some say that K-Fed is just being modest. Many insiders now believe he officially has exceeded his ex-wife in terms of talent.
Even Lindsay Lohan took time from snorting coke and blowing guys in the bathroom at the Promises Rehab Clinic to praise Spears, "God, she looks great. That girl really has her shit together. I'm taking it one day at a time, but someday I aspire to be as competent and steady as she is.”
But this type of far-reaching influence is nothing new for Britney at the VMA's.
After her striptease at the 2000 show, national pregnancy numbers for teenage girls went up 40% and tissue sales for teenage boys increased by 70%. Snake-related fatalities increased by 20% after her 2001 performance with an albino python. And people remembered Madonna existed for a half of a second as a result of their lip-lock at the 2003 VMA's.
One visible impact of this year's performance has been on "American Idol". In anticipation of all the hilariously earnest overweight unwed mothers certain to enter this year's contest, producers have announced they will extent their "Mocking the Socially Awkward and Obese" portion of try-outs for an extra three weeks.
The cities of Dallas, TX, Little Rock, AK, and Grove City, OH have already been added as tryout cities to accommodate this inevitable flood of contestants.
Britney's VMA Performance Inspires Thousands of Overweight Single Mothers to Half-Assedly Dance, Lip-Sync
Some physical fitness experts believe Spears has really let herself go.
By MATTHEW MONROE
LAS VEGAS—Britney's triumphant return to the stage and the pubic spotlight Sunday night at the MTV Video Music Awards had more than just the effect of inspiring celebrities and fans attending the show to leave their seats. It also had a profound effect on regular viewers of the show.
Using Britney as an inspirational model, countless overweight single mothers have been inspired to learn how to half-assedly dance and phone in lip-syncing.
Liz Yates, a morbidly obese single mother of four, said Britney's lackluster performance has given her the confidence to chase her dreams.
Arts & Entertainment
Free Daily
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June 6, 2007
