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By CRAIG PAINT

COLUMBUS, OH—Tensions were strained at a downtown office building yesterday when a kindly but unintentionally impertinent elderly man refused to move to the open space left vacated when a woman exited the elevator on the seventh floor. 

The elderly gentleman's refusal to move caused him to be standing intimately close to financial advisor William Morgan, leaving Morgan feeling “confused, annoyed, and somewhat uncomfortable” for the remaining 32 floors of his elevator trip.
“It's hard to describe,” said Morgan.  “I didn't feel threatened.  I didn't really need that space.  And it's hard to get angry at an old guy.  But I just couldn't think of one damn reason in the world why he wouldn't scootch over at least a couple of feet.”

Morgan's sense of mild discomfort forced him to take action against the kindly senior.  He tried looking at the man, looking at the tiny space between he and the man, tapping his fingers, sighing, and impatiently looking at his watch.  But all his signs went unheeded.

In fact, his attempt to look annoyedly at the man backfired as he mistook it for an invitation to speak and it lead to an extended conversation about the weather lately, his grandchildren, and “those damn politicians in Warshington."

“It was a harrowing experience,” said a still shaken Morgan.  “I was in 'Nam, but I never faced anything like this.  I politely endured detailed accounts of the exploits of nine different grandchildren, of 3 great-grandchildren, and a point by point analysis of why they don't make shower rods like they used to, nodding and smiling politely the whole way.  It was horrific.  Now at the faintest smell of mothballs, I have severe flashbacks.”

The breaking point came when the elderly man began reminiscing about how you could by gas for a nickel back in his day.  Morgan just couldn't stand to feign interest anymore.  He immediately pushed the button for the next floor and quickly exited the elevator onto the 35th floor. 

Unfortunately for Morgan, the floor housed a Jehovah's Witness recruiting center and he has not been seen since.
Site of what local businessman William Morgan chillingly described as a "relatively uncomfortable and unpleasant 30 seconds”.
Woman Exits Elevator, Elderly Man Refuses to Spread Out, Local Businessman Left Uncomfortable
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December 1, 2008