Iraqis to U.S. :  
"What's a 'Benchmark'?"
Misunderstanding U.S. instructions, the Iraqi's have reportedly built over 200,000 benches in preparation for the September deadline.
By JARVIS SPIVEY
BAGHDAD—The Congressional Government Accountability Office issued its official report this week on progress in Iraq, concluding that the Iraqi government has met just three of its 18 benchmarks.  

Asked to account for the spectacular failure, Iraqi president Jalal Talabani responded, "Um, what's a benchmark?"

The miscommunication appears not to be related to the fact that Iraqis don't have the means to achieve a benchmark, but rather due to the fact that they don't seem to know exactly what a benchmark is.
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January 24, 2008
“It seems apparent that we misinterpreted the word, that something was lost a bit in translation,” said an Iraqi government spokesman.  “We believed indeed your government was referring to long, sit-able wooden chairs.

“Frankly, we were a little baffled by the request.  But we're a little baffled by everything your government asks of us, so we did not think the request to be odd.

“Nevertheless, this is a great disappointment to the Iraqi people.  We thought we were required to make 18 benches and we make 200,000.  We saw that as a great accomplishment beyond our goal, but now it is seen as a glaring failure. 

“But on the bright side, we harnessed all our government's political, monetary, labor, and physical resources into building benches and we still achieved three of the benchmarks.  This is a great incidental victory for Iraq and its people.”

Back home in Washington, American political leaders also weighed in on the progress.

Democratic Leader Harry Reid tried to offer some constructive criticism:  "Perhaps our first benchmark should be to establish a common understanding of the word 'benchmark'."

And despite missing 15 of 18 benchmarks, President Bush seemed even more optimistic.

“The nay-sayers, the glass-half-empty folks are always gonna look for negatives to pick on.  But I look on the bright side.  If you're ever in Iraq and you're tired, you can rest almost anywhere in the country.

“One day, when Iraqi people feel safe enough to walk the streets again, those benches are gonna come in real handy.”

And indeed the President's assessment seems to be true.  While sectarian-related violence is up 13% in Iraq, fatigue-related muscle cramps are down an impressive 73%.
Click here to review GAO report card: