“And I have decided to ignore all their advice and stick with my gut. America will increase hot dog production by 15% by the year 2010 and we will win the War on Hunger.”
Bush’s new all-encompassing 15% strategy came to him one night after dinner while taking several minutes figuring out the tip. Someone taught him the trick where you divide the bill by ten, divide that number by two, and add those two figures together. With this new method he could finally figure a tip in under a minute.
It all came together for the president on that night. He had a revelation and he knew this strategy could be applied successfully to Iraq and the rest of America’s problems.
Bush’s new all-encompassing 15% strategy came to him one night after dinner while taking several minutes figuring out the tip. Someone taught him the trick where you divide the bill by ten, divide that number by two, and add those two figures together. With this new method he could finally figure a tip in under a minute.
It all came together for the president on that night. He had a revelation and he knew this strategy could be applied successfully to Iraq and the rest of America’s problems.
However, some White House insiders, speaking under terms of anonymity, are skeptical of Bush’s new 15% rule and think he may be “losing it” as one put it.
“He does this 15% thing for everything now, every little problem,” said an aide who works closely with the president. “He obsesses and, frankly, some of us are starting to get a little worried.
“For instance, he recently found out that Iran was aiding terrorism in Palestine and in Iraq. His answer? Increase funding to Iran by 15%.
“And at the White House, he found out that a maid was stealing. His solution was to increase her weekly hours by 15%. Several priceless artifacts, including one of the last copies of the Declaration of Independence, are missing and we all know where they went. But the president is adamant this strategy is correct and he says he will not cut and run.”
In fact, rumors are spreading that it has even spilled over into the president’s personal life.
"I heard the First Lady was trying to lose weight after the holidays and the president told her if she wanted to lose weight, she should add 15% more calories to her daily diet. So she has and she just keeps getting fatter and fatter. I mean, anyone can see that she’s turning into a porker. But the president is adamant that she stay the course. Frankly, I fear for the First Lady’s health.
“And a little while ago the president was helping his 8 year old nephew with his Math homework and all the problems he couldn’t figure out he just added 15% to. He told his nephew that would always work as a solution. Now I hear he may be held back and forced to repeat the 2nd grade.”
But it’s not just Iraqis, starving children, and the president’s nephew who are benefiting from Bush’s new 15% doctrine. Washington, D.C. and Crawford, TX area waiters and waitresses have seen a sharp spike in their tips as the president now tips, with the help of a calculator, a healthy 30%.
President Announces 15% Surge In Hot Dog Production To Eradicate World Hunger
President Bush believes a 15% increase in the production of his favorite food will solve the world's hunger epidemic.
By MATTHEW MONROE
WASHINGTON, D.C.— Fresh off the remarkable success of his 15% troop increase in Iraq, President Bush has decided to ride that strategy in the hopes that it will carry over to other disparate policies as well, starting with world hunger.
Yesterday the president laid out his new plan to completely end world hunger by the end of the decade by increasing American hot dog production by 15%.
"I have great faith that this new tactic in the War on Hunger will make a huge impact and end world hunger by 2010,” said the president. “This decision was not made caprisunishly (sic). I've consultedwith my cabinet, with world leaders, with skinny Africans, with bums, hobos, tramps, and with Bono .
Yesterday the president laid out his new plan to completely end world hunger by the end of the decade by increasing American hot dog production by 15%.
"I have great faith that this new tactic in the War on Hunger will make a huge impact and end world hunger by 2010,” said the president. “This decision was not made caprisunishly (sic). I've consultedwith my cabinet, with world leaders, with skinny Africans, with bums, hobos, tramps, and with Bono .
National & World
Free Daily
*** ***
***
January 24, 2008
