The debate began with a standard question and answer format moderated by Bob Schieffer of “Face the Nation”. The candidates debated a number of hot button issues and finished with a fierce debate over America’s role in Iraq.
Then the venerated Schieffer brought out a large Crown SZ-5100 boom-box with 12-inch servo subwoofers and laid the ground rules for the battle. Each candidate was given a 1212 break space, their choice of Run-DMC song, and 3 minutes for which to tear shit up.
The majority of candidates gave uninspired, overly-scripted performances. Rep. Kucinich failed to inspire with his earnest but unskilled dancing that bore a closer resemblance to jigging rather than breaking. John Edwards refused to do his trademark headspin for fear of messing up his hair. And Sen. Clinton did not help her cause by refusing to take off her jacket. In fact, none of the candidates seemed to engage any of the potential voters in the audience.
But then Sen. Obama took the floor.
The junior senator from Illinois began by bopping his head to the sounds of “King of Rock” before he broke it down and unleashed a wild flurry of windmills, swipes, flares, butterfly kicks, and suicides, eventually bringing the crowd of undecided voters to its feet as he culminated his virtuoso performance by doing the worm over Dennis Kucinich.
The crowd went into an uproar and gave Obama a two minute standing ovation with previously undecided voters raising the roof and the press corps leading a chorus of Arsenio-style dog pound woofs. Moderator Schieffer eventually quieted the crowd by commandeering the boom-box and threatening to do the Charleston.
Obama’s performance was widely regarded as the best since Walter Mondale’s legendary upset victory over Rev. Jesse Jackson in the 1984 Democratic primaries.
In fact, many who witnessed it felt they were witnessing history, something akin to Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream” speech or Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.
After the debate, all the candidates’ campaigns were scrambling to put a positive spin on the battle. A Clinton spokesman said, “We think considering how incredibly white Hillary is, she did a good job. I mean, not everyone has the advantage of being half-black.”
Other candidates were more conciliatory. Sen. Biden commented, “A while back I said he was clean… for a black guy. And after his performance here tonight, I would go so far as to say he’s a great dancer… even for a black guy.”
The effects of Obama's performance on the electorate were immediate. After just one day, Obama’s poll numbers have increased by over 90% in the South Bronx.
Obama Wins Breakdancing Portion Of Debate
Obama’s performance was widely regarded as the best since Walter Mondale’s legendary upset victory over Rev. Jesse Jackson in the 1984 Democratic primaries.
By MATTHEW MONROE
DES MOINES, IA—Wednesday’s Democratic debate had several surprises. Christopher Dodd vowed to return all troops from Iraq by the end of his first year of office. Bill Richardson unveiled an unusual plan for dealing with Iran. And Hillary Clinton actually had a brief moment where she exhibited an expression that somewhat resembled an authentic human emotion. However, no one was surprised by the fact that Barrack Obama, the distinguished senator from Illinois, won the breakdancing portion of the debate.
The b-boying segment was a tactical concession by the other candidates. Hillary agreed to it on the grounds that the room would be kept at a balmy 55 degrees. John Edwards demanded 15 minute breaks at 30 minute intervals for “hair preparation and maintenance”. And Rep. Dennis Kucinich agreed on the condition he was allowed a medium-sized soapbox to stand on.
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January 24, 2008
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