Gonzalez responded, "I don't recall ever seeing that in the Constitution. And I believe I can speak for everyone in this administration when I say: I don't believe that we actually have a binding constitution in America anymore."
Some political insiders have speculated that Gonzalez is not being forthright. They claim he likely would have been aware of such a major announcement directly involving himself, one that he, in fact, announced only a day before.
Still the President is standing by the Attorney General’s side and insists on his honor, "Quite frankly, I take offense to the partisan beating he's taken," said Bush. "Al Gonzalez is not a liar. He's just a dumbass."
But despite glowing praise from the President, some of those close to Gonzalez revealed there may be a physiological reason for his memory relapses.
A member of the president’s staff, speaking on terms of anonymity, believes the Attorney General might be suffering from an acute form of amnesia, "He hasn't been quite right since that game of tag football organized by the President at his ranch in Crawford.
“He was on Rove's team and Rove insisted that he chop block Condi Rice. Not wanting to displease Rove, Gonzalez happily obliged but hit his head on her leg and injured himself. The Secretary has surprising strong calves. And ever since that day, he just hasn't been all there."
However, Gonzalez’s wife, Rebecca, claims his condition is not that serious, “I can tell you firsthand Alberto is not a liar, he’s just forgetful. He never remembers our anniversary, he always leaves the toilet seat up, and he calls out other women’s names during sex… Wait a minute. Maybe he’s just an asshole.”
So the American people may never find out the true reason, as there are many theories explaining the Attorney General’s erratic behavior. But Gonzalez himself weighed in on the debate.
When asked at what point in his life he decided he could freely lie to Congress and the American people, Gonzalez responded:
"I don't recall when I lost my soul.”
Gonzalez Claims He Doesn't Recall Resigning
By MATTHEW MONROE
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a stunning reversal, Alberto Gonzalez claimed Tuesday night that he has no intentions of stepping down as Attorney General and doesn't, in fact, ever recall resigning his post.
This assertion was made despite the fact that he held a well-publicized press conference Monday morning announcing his intention to step down as America's top cop.
"At this moment I have no recollection of ever having resigned my post," said the embattled Attorney General. "I don't recall talking to the press. I don't recall stating that I would resign. And frankly, I don't recall this press conference.
"I intend to serve out the rest of the president's term and possibly even his next."
A reporter quickly pointed out to Gonzalez that the president could not serve a third term, as it would be unconstitutional.
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January 24, 2008
The embattled Attorney General stated he didn't recall resigning, didn't remember reccomending the firing of district attorneys, and had no recollection of ever wearing a red tie.
