National
Free         Daily
***      ***
July 24, 2008
The Hunger Site
Sign-up for Weely Newsletter of Top Stories.  Email Address:

(No spam we promise)
Scientists believe these differences are the result of a preponderance of beta carotene from excessive intake of fruits, vegetables, granola, tofu, and tofu-related products.

According to the study, high levels of beta carotene cause increased blood circulations to the parts of the brain that control morality, superciliousness, grudge-holding, and the ability to remember the fat content, carbon imprint, and entire life story of any single animal you may be trying to peacefully eat at dinner. 

“I’ve known for years that I’m smarter than any meat-eater,” said vegetarian John Green.  “For instance, clearly they don’t know how chickens are farmed in America.  I do.  That’s why I tell them at every chance I get.”

Comments like those upset Joe Kilgore, spokesman for the Meat-eaters Research Department of Ranchers, or MRDR, who strongly disagreed with Green and with the results of the study.

Discarding a chicken bone and kicking a kitten Kilgore stated, “We’re not buying it.  I know Einstein ate meat until the last year of his life, which by the way happened to be the same year he died.  Coincidence?  Anyway, I also know Jesus loved chow down on fish.  Are these people really saying that Einstein was stupid and Jesus was immoral?  If so, I’ve got a little thing called the theory of relativity and a little place called heaven to prove them wrong.  Einstein and Jesus must be rolling over in their graves.”

Mr. Kilgore may disagree and the results of the study may be inconclusive in the eyes of many.  But there is one fact that is irrefutable: you’re a terrible person for eating meat, and vegetarians are right to tell you so at every chance they get.

By MILT ASHTON

SAN FRANCISCO—A study released Thursday by the Institute for Healthy Living confirmed what vegetarians have already know for years: vegetarians are superior to meat-eaters in every single way.

The study explored several areas including health, intelligence, penis and/or breast size, moral authority, conceit, and condescension and in each category vegetarians tested higher than their carnivorous counterparts.
If you are drooling over this steak, you are probably an inferior human being.

Study Finds Vegetarians to Be Better Than You, Me