An even-keeled and optimistic Rodriguez spoke to the media for the first time on Monday, “I can’t wait to get back to baseball. I’m very pleased to be staying with the Yankees organization. And I look forward to having another brilliant but tortured regular season and an absolutely spirit-crushing post-season. This is what I live for.
“It’s great to be back with my teammates. I haven’t spoken with Derek Jeter since last season ended and I’m really looking forward to not speaking with him again this season.”
Rodriguez denied that nasty off-season free agency negotiations, reports that he was no longer wanted in New York, and rumors that Billy Crystal will replace him on the playoff roster have had any negative effects on his psyche.
“No, of course not. If it wasn’t that, it’d be something else. Everything is a distraction to me. Yankee fans booing me, Jeter’s coldness, a new manager, global warming, Britney's personal crisis, black holes, shiny objects, laser pointers, the extinction of the Himalayan hummingbird, the plight of the Wanniya-laeto people of western Sri Lanka. I worry about everything. I’m just looking forward to finding out what new challenges will distract me this year.”
Rodriguez went on to speak about his fractious relationship with Yankee fans:
“Look, I love New York. I want to die here. I want to die a Yankee. And you’d be surprised at how many of the fans feel the same way. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been stopped in the street by Yankees fans and been told, ‘I hope you die.’ It’s really heartwarming.”
The biggest problem Yankees fans have with Rodriguez is his lack of clutch hitting, particularly in the playoffs. While getting swept by the Cleveland Indians last year, A-Rod had six strike-outs and only one RBI.
But again, A-Rod is optimistic, “If all goes well, I’ll have another MVP year and then choke in the playoffs. Last year I got people’s playoff expectations too high by being so consistent and so clutch during the regular season. It just made my annual post-season drop off all the more obvious.
“But people don't want to talk about how much I improved from the previous post-season. I dramatically increased my RBI production from a paltry zero to a respectable one and I never once batted ninth. So let's give credit where credit is due.”
But A-Rod isn't resting on his playoff laurels.
“This off-season I’ve been talking with Barry Bonds. He’s the king of regular season brilliance and post-season incompetence and he’s given me some really good pointers.”
Rodriguez expounded on exactly what he’s been doing to prepare for the upcoming season:
“I spent a lot of time watching tapes of mistakes I made last season. Just playing strikeouts and errors over and over again in order to reinforce my negative mental process. I studied old films of Bill Buckner. I took up chess and played exclusively against grandmasters to get my confidence down. I even hired Simon Cowell as my personal sports psychologist.”
Indeed A-Rod is counting on all this hard work to pay dividends, “If all goes well for me this year, we might not even make the playoffs.”
A-Rod Eager To Begin Another Miserable Season With Yankees
Rodriguez was all smiles when discussing his plans to spend the next 10 years as the Yankees' spapegoat.
By MATTHEW MONROE
TAMPA—As the New York Yankees finish up Spring training, third baseman Alex Rodriquez is preparing to enter his fifth year with organization. In the off-season he inked a 10-year deal with the Yankees, apparently ensuring a long-term career with the team. Rodriguez claims he is happy to remain in New York and is eagerly looking forward to making this the most miserable year yet of his abysmally successful tenure with the Yankees.
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