Phelps' Special Challenge

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“I’m not coming here to finish second or to take home some bullshit token medal,” said the ultra-competitive Phelps. “I’m coming here to dominate, to break records, to prove I’m the best ever, and to humiliate the competition.”

Naturally, many are already questioning Phelps decision to compete. Critics of his decision point to the fact that he doesn’t appear to be mentally challenged. Supporters point to his obsession to win everything, his maniacal desire for external validation, his eagerness to train in a pool everyday for four straight years, and his willingness to consistently spend 8 hours a day in a Speedo. Surely, they argue, this must be akin to some type of mental disability.

And indeed the governing body of the Special Olympics is allowing him to compete based on these mental deficiencies and also based, undoubtedly, on his potential marketing draw.

Nevertheless, Phelps’ notorious competitive streak has Special Olympics officials worried. Many are concerned that Phelps’ fanatical quest for dominance in everything he does will interfere with the spirit of the games, a competition famous for ensuring that every competitor receives a medal.

Phelps, however, is refusing to back down. ”In the water or on the track, all bets are off. I’m out for blood. I’m not here to make friends. I’m here for more gold. Dick Van Patton said that 8 is enough. Well, that’s the one point where Dick and I differ.”

Furthermore, Phelps is pushing his already significant advantage by bringing his extensive team of coaches, trainers, and masseuses, an unusually extravagant precaution at the decidedly laid-back Special Olympics.

But Phelps is taking no chances in his quest for more medals and further external validation. He sees this as a great opportunity to challenge himself and channel his natural ability, “My teammates have always told me I have retard strength. I fully intend on putting that strength to the ultimate test.”

Special Olympian Donald Bush says he welcomes that challenge, “The Special Olympics is where everyone can compete together. I can’t wait to see him. I think Michael Phelps is awesome. Maybe if I work hard, I can even beat him.”

But the competitive Phelps, who often relies on opponents’ comments to get him motivated, didn’t appreciate Bush’s remarks, “When I heard that, it fired me up. I immediately put that article up in my locker. For him to say he could beat me?! Crutches or no crutches, now I want to destroy him.”

But where does it end for Phelps? What must he do to satisfy his insatiable appetite for achievement and recognition? The answer may lie in his upcoming schedule and recent doctors visits. With an eye towards the London Olympics, he has already taken drastic surgical steps to conquer his next goal of winning all 17 swimming gold medals in 2012 while competing as a woman.

But for now, Phelps is focused on the task at hand and seems poised to continue his domination. “These guys call themselves special?! When I’m through with the competition, I’m confident I’ll be considered the specialist Olympian of all time.”

8 is not enough. The ultra-competitive Phelps has already begun intensive training and vows to "dominate and humiliate" the competition.

Medal-Crazed Phelps Enters Special Olympics

By MATTHEW MONROE

BALTIMORE—Just days after finishing his epic run in Beijing, Michael Phelps has announced his next challenge. Unsatisfied with a record 8 gold medals and 7 new world records, the most decorated athlete in Olympic history vows to raise the bar higher and be even more dominant in his next athletic endeavor: the Special Olympics.

The ambitious Phelps declared his plans to compete in all 30 events. Furthermore, he has already laid down the gauntlet for his competition by stating his intention to take home the gold in each one.