Slive promptly resigned his post as BCS coordinator saying “I worked night and day for two years to prevent the war, but I could not. The BCS was mad and blind, would not let us govern ourselves. And so war has come.”
Courthouses all around the South raised the SEC flag in support of the move. SEC fans, coaches and players vowed unanimous support for the rebellion, including South Carolina head coach Steve Spurrier who declared, "Death to tyrants!" at a recent pep rally.
In Tennessee, UT fans, hunters, and convicts picking up trash along the highway have all begun amassing in matching burnt orange uniforms, eager to volunteer just like their daddy's, daddy's, daddy done did.
Some however have expressed concerns about possible retaliation from the BCS, including Auburn head coach Tommy Tuberville: "They (the BCS Conferences) are not a fiery, impulsive people as we are, for they live in colder climates. But when they begin to move in a given direction, they move with the steady momentum and perseverance of a mighty avalanche." Despite his misgivings, Tuberville believes that SEC speed will ultimately win out. "Let’s face it, Tupelo honey runs faster then those yankees.”
Lacking a coordinator, the BCS computer immediately responded to the Declaration by assuming command of itself and all loyal BCS conferences, stating (robotically): "By some strange operation of magic I seem to have become the power of the land."
The Computer’s first action was to set fire to SEC stadiums in Georgia and Mississippi. The Computer then proceeded to declare Martial Law over the Coaches Poll and the Harris Interactive Poll. As a result, all rankings will now be completely determined by "some formula."
The Computer attemped to explain the formula while addressing a large crowd over the P.A. system at a local Gettysburg mall: "Four score, and seven quality wins, minus the highest and lowest rating, divided by humidity..." After an hour-long explanation, the Computer finally concluded it's comments, stating "It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this...No playoffs! No playoffs!"
There appears to be little chance for reconcillation at this point and universities around the country have been asked to declare their allegiance.
Alabama head coach Nick Saban has emphatically stated in public that his loyalty lies with the SEC, but there are numerous reports that he has been in talks with the the BCS to discuss joining their organization.
Most notably, the PAC-10 remains undecided and has said it may join with Mexico.
God save us all.
By JARVIS SPIVEY
DIXIE, THE SOUTH — In a radical move against the BCS, the SEC has declared independence from the Bowl College System. The SEC has long declared it's superiority over the Big Ten and other “Yankee Conferences” and has finally had enough.
In a stunning announcement, Southeastern Conference commissioner Mike Slive said that the BCS failed to meet SEC demands of a mandatory all-SEC final for all future national championships.